Patchwork Quilt
by Crimson2678
Summary: A midnight consolation and confession. Warnings for yaoi and cussing


Title: Patchwork Quilt

Author: Crimson2678

Series: Weib Kruez

Rated: R 

Disclaimer: Weib Kruez and its characters does not belong to me. 

Author's warnings: This is yaoi, meaning a male/male relationship. You don't like it, don't read it. Also has use of the F-word

A/N: This is a make-up story for Not Without You, meant for my cousin to show that I'm not entirely sick in the mind.. 

***

"Shhh... Shu?" Crawford mumbled sleepily, awakened by the missing presence of his lover.

Reaching over to the night stand, he grabbed his glasses, slipping them on. Standing out on the balcony, staring out at the night sky, was the aforementioned missing lover. This in itself wasn't an unusual event. Shuldig was a big insomniac. When being made love to (which Crawford thought he did wonderfully) didn't help him fall asleep, staring at the stars did. He had asked Shuldig about it once, only to receive a sad smile and a murmured "Old family tradition."

Crawford was just about to go to sleep again and wait for his lover to return to bed when he noticed two odd things. One, the room was fucking freezing. Honestly, he could see his breath as he breathed. And second, Shuldig was standing out on the balcony stark-naked, which wouldn't have been odd other than the fact that it had to be freezing out there too and Shuldig wasn't even reacting to it. Swearing lightly, Crawford slid out of bed, wrapping the patchwork quilt he had been laying under around his nude body. The quilt was his favorite, simply because it reminded him of Shuldig, who had also been the one to make it. Who would have ever figured that Shuldig would know how to sew? Sometimes the quilt reminded him of Shuldig's sanity, which was also barely held on by threads, not that he would ever tell Shuldig that. 

Resisting the urge to just run back to bed, Crawford shuffled his way over to the balcony, hissing at the coldness that seeped into his bones. Maybe it would have been better to put on some clothes, bare skin did nothing to keep out cold chills, especially during winter. Even the quilt didn't help that much. So how the fuck was Shuldig standing this?

"What are you doing out here Shuldig, it's fucking freezing out here" Crawford murmured, opening up the quilt and pressing himself against his lover.

And hissed as he resisted the urge to move back, damn, Shuldig was freezing! Seriously, Crawford felt like he was hugging a goddamn glacier or snowman or something. Crawford pulled the quilt around the freezing redhead, trying his best not to laugh out at the idea of a human-sized Shu-cicle. 

" Mmmm, baby your freezing" Crawford murmured, feeling the slight German jump in his arms.

Shuldig tensed slightly as Crawford rested his chin on the German's shoulder, twisting his head to kiss the German's neck tenderly. This seemed to make Shuldig relax some, and he slumped back against Crawford.

" I'm sorry" the German murmured softly, enclosing Crawford's warm hand within his own cold one.

Back sometime ago when they had all believed they were invincible and inhuman, this would have surprised Crawford. Though, ever since the defeat the Este and the disbandment of Schwartz, something had changed within Shuldig. The usually brash and overly loud man had become sullen and prone to moods of depression. Of course, back then Crawford had been an asshole and just beginning to delve into the whole love and relationship thing, he would dismiss it. Though it wasn't until he had a vision of the German swinging from a makeshift noose with both wrist slit did he actually began to pay attention.

Of course some things couldn't be avoided, which was why the German had a slash on each wrist. At least it was better than having to bury the German, Crawford would think to himself. After Nagi and Farferello had left for god-knows-where, Shuldig had only become more quiet and sullen. Sometimes it unnerved Crawford to the point where he would want to shake him and hit him until he reacted. It was many times when Crawford wanted to succumb to doing so, though he would just disappear into his office until the feeling passed.

" It's okay baby. You just had me worried, okay? We'll just...."

" I want to die Brad" Shuldig said, his tone solemn and serious, his jade eyes filled with pain as he turned to look at him.

Crawford couldn't help but stare at Shuldig with blank eyes, searching for any sign of a joke or that he was lying. There was none.

" Y.. You... want.... want.. to what?!" Crawford stuttered out, not believing what he heard.

Shuldig smiled softly, reaching up a hand to stroke Crawford's cheek. How could this man, this god, love him? Didn't he know he was dirty? Soiled? Broken beyond repair? Hell, Crawford knew what he had done before he had become a pawn for Este. And even when he no longer needed to whore himself out, he still did it anyway. A sex toy for the streets. A sex toy for Este. And sooner or later he knew he would become nothing more than a sex toy for Crawford. Though that's what broke him, forced him to creep silently out of bed and stand on the balcony, silently wishing that he had the strength to jump. 

Back then, when he had been fierce and evil, he could have done it. He could have jumped right over the balcony and fallen to his death, to his freedom. Though every time he finally decided to do so, he would look back and see Crawford. Then he would stop, stare up at the sky, and trudge back slowly to bed. He knew he was living a lie, forcing Crawford to live that lie also. The only reason Crawford was with him now was because he hadn't wanted him to kill himself. Because he was sorry about what had happened to him, even though Shuldig knew it was entirely his fault.

It was his fault that he hadn't listened to Brad, his fault that he had left out on that fateful night. Who would have known that the famed Weiss Kruez would be out hunting beast? Who would have known that the leader, Aya Fujiyama, would have dragged him back into the alleyway? Who the hell would have guessed that he would have forced him down, stripped him of his clothes? All the time whispering in his ear how much he reminded him of his sister and calling him by _her_ name as he raped him.? Screaming out _her _name as he came?

Of course Brad had killed Aya for what he did, and had prevented Shuldig from killing himself. Though for what? Just so he could watch him squirm every time he tried to hold him. Or hear him cry out from the nightmares, each one more horrifying than the last. Shuldig was truly broken inside, and no matter what Brad did or said, he would never stop feeling that way.

" There's no use lying to ourselves, Brad. I know you don't love me, that there's someone else that's better and smarter than me. I could die and then you wouldn't have to look after me any more, you could be free lieber, free" Shuldig said, feeling nothing but a strange numbness that had nothing to do with the cold.

His face looked so serene that Crawford couldn't help but stare. It was the first time in his life that he had ever seen the German look so calm, so peaceful. The peaceful look of the dead. It scared him, deep down inside for the first time Brad Crawford felt fear. He now knew what those people had been feeling as he gunned down a member of their family. That fear that came with losing someone you love with all your heart. Back then, he had wondered and pondered on it, labeling those people as weak. It was something he had tried to make the others see, that love, no matter what form, was a weakness. Which was why he had kept them all away at arm's length.

But he'd been wrong, so very wrong. Crawford had been fucked up years before ever joining with Este and becoming leader of Schwartz. Back then, when he'd been a child, pain and suffering where all he never knew. And the only love he ever received was the painful kind that he received from his uncle on their couch whenever he came to baby-sit him. That was the only love that Crawford could connect with. His father had left before he was born. And his mother had seen so much of his father in him that she hated him. Then his parents had both died and he had lived with his uncle, where he began to loose himself.

Nobody in Schwartz, not even Shuldig, knew of Crawford's past. Only Este knew, and they were all too quick to force him to remember his shameful memories. Memories of being touched by his Uncle and loving it. Of calling himself his Uncle's wife, and trying his best to impress the man. All the while dying inside. Wanting every day to just kill himself and be over with it. He watched his older brother be sucked into the sick game that his Uncle had created. Crawford could still remember days when he would become jealous because of the attention that his brother was receiving. He had stood by and watched silently as his brother faded away, dying day by day. Until the day he came home to find his brother hanging from a noose, the same way he had seen Shuldig.

He had been too late, too weak, and too young to save his brother. He'd be damned if he made the same mistake with Shu.

" Shu," Crawford, said, kissing cold lips, " don't say that. I am with you because I love you, not because of what happened or that I feel guilty"

Crawford began to pull Shuldig back away from the balcony, nudging him towards the bed. " You freezing love, let's get you warmed up."

Shuldig allowed himself to be dragged back towards the bed, allowed Crawford to pull him down on top of him. Cold and warmth joined together as Shuldig's cold body pressed against Crawford warm body. It had been the first thing that had amazed him, how warm Brad was. It was like the man was a living breathing furnace or something. Whenever he would come back to bed from stargazing, Brad's body would be the first thing he would press against. Just lying there and letting the man's body heat warm him. For some reason, he felt safe inside Brad's arms. It was funny, he felt the safest in the arms of a man that could predict his death and kill him all at the same time. 

Crawford wrapped his arms around Shuldig's back, rubbing his back tenderly as he leaned forward and pressed his lips softly against the redhead. Even though he couldn't truly use his words, at least he could try to show his emotions through his actions. And hadn't he read somewhere that actions spoke louder than words? Slowly, almost lazily, Crawford rubbed Shuldig's fey body. The first thing he would do was to make sure the German ate more, he was too skinny in Crawford's opinion.

" But I thought you liked me skinny. And pretty. You know, just like a doll. Something there to hang off your arm" Shuldig said, knowing that he was making no sense, just hoping that he would get Brad mad. That way he would have a reason to go back on the balcony.

Brad didn't fall for it, only frowning as he kissed the tip of Shuldig's nose. " I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth Shu. Besides, if I wanted a doll, I would have gotten one. I. Want. You"

Reaching his hand down, Crawford cupped the German's rear, squeezing it gently. Drawing back when Shuldig reached back and slapped his hands away. Moving off him and the bed. He watched as the German paced back and forth, his hands pulling at his hair.

" Is that the only thing you can do?!" the German yelled, glaring at Crawford. " Every time I get upset, you go straight to fucking! Is that the only way you can comfort someone Brad, by fucking them until they pass out? God! And here I was thinking I was the slut." 

Shuldig began to curse at Brad once more in German, speaking so fast that Brad had trouble understanding what he was saying. Only understanding a few motherfuckers and goddamned. Though what caught his attention was the vision he had of Shuldig standing in the middle of the floor surrounded by glass, and bleeding.

His vision was cut short as he had to jump out of the bed to avoided being hit in the head with a vase. Quickly pulling on a pair of jeans that had been on the floor, Brad quickly moved once more to avoided being hit. 

" Am I that worthless Brad that the only time I can get you attention is by throwing things at you!?" Shuldig was yelling now.

" I tell you I want to die and the only goddamn thing you can say is 'Your freezing love, let's get you warmed up?' Fuck you, is fucking the only thing you know how to do?"

Shuldig was stunned speechless as a heavy hand smacked him across the face, knocking him to the floor. Standing over him, Brad breathed heavily as he stared down with red eyes. Shu placed a hand to his right cheek which was inflamed and throbbing in pain.

" Yes your right, fucking is the only thing I do know how to do well! Okay! That's what my uncle did to me when ever I felt bad. Get in a fight at school. Fuck. Get sick. Fuck. You walk in on your older brother hanging himself. Fuck some more. At least I have the decency to ask you first. To actually make sure your ready before I just plunge the fuck in!" Brad yelled back at him, tightening his hands into fist.

" Sorry I can't make up poems and have big ass conversations with you about your feelings and such. I am so sorry Shuldig that I can't sit there and hold you and baby you and tell you that every things all right in those big fancy ass words! I was hurt just as bad as you were, but you don't see me carrying on like some pussy bitch" 

Shuldig hauled himself to his feet, no longer caring that he was completely nude and about to get into a shouting match with his boyfriend. And that if Brad wanted to make this thing physical, he would most certainly lose.

" Well you know what, I'm sorry your uncle raped you. But not all of us are as strong and confident as you are! Not everyone can just sweep that shit under the carpet and just forget about it. If you don't care than so what? Why not just let me die? Why make me live when I don't want to?" Shuldig said, cursing himself at sounding so pitiful.

The minutes ticked back as the silence stretched out until it was becoming unbearable. Both men wanting nothing more than to run into the other's arms and have them kiss their tears away. Wanting the other to tell them that tomorrow would be so much better. Then to make love until both could do nothing more than to just lie in each others arms as they drifted to sleep. Though they were both too prideful, and too used to dealing with the hurt alone than to try and find solace in another.

Crawford was the first to speak, dropping on one knee in front of Shuldig and kissing his hand gently, pulling him to sit in his lap on the floor. 

" Your right baby, not everybody is strong, and neither am I. But I've learned that crying and brooding over it doesn't help, that it just makes it worse. I hid all my feelings away, locked away my heart and emotions so that I would never be hurt again. But I was wrong, I should have known better. My brother tried the same thing, and he ended up killing himself. I won't... I can't let that happen to you Shu. I love you too much" 

The happiness that Shuldig felt because of those five little words were palpable. With a small cry Shuldig wrapped his arms around the American and pressing himself to him, began to cry. Crawford held him and rocked him back and forth, silently crying a few tears too. The two stayed that way for a long time, one holding and one being held. The tears and pains of the past being washed away under the cold starry night. Reaching over for the quilt, Crawford lifted Shuldig into his arms, walking towards the bed. He laid down on the bed, pulling Shuldig into his embrace once more, then pulled the quilt up over them.

" I can't help it sometimes liebe. The nightmares. I hate having them. Seeing _his_ face again. Having to relive it all over again" Shu said quietly, trying to keep the images out of his mind.

" I know its hard Shu, but someday you will forget. I promise. One day you will wake up and be able to breath again without any fear. Though its gonna hurt, and of course, I'll always be here for you. But please, please, don't scare me ever again like that" Crawford said, slapping Shuldig hard on the rear.

Shuldig cried out as he reached back to rub his rear, that had hurt. Then pouted as he looked at Brad, who was trying his best not to laugh. Now not only was his cheek stinging, but also his rear now stung too. And not in the *good* way either. Though he stopped pouting slightly as he felt Crawford's hand rubbing once again on his rear. Moaning softly as Crawford's finger dipped between creamy cheeks to rub tenderly against his entrance. He sighed softly and placed his hands on Crawford's broad chest, laying his cheek against it.

" You feel so warm" Shuldig said softly, beginning to fall asleep. " Just like a blanket. Heh. Brad Crawford, my big old' American security blanket."

Crawford smirked at this, moving his hand away to rest atop Shuldig's rear, hitting it playfully. Earning himself a muttered German protest from Shu. He rubbed the younger man's hair with his free hand, easing down lower to then rub his back. He knew he would not be getting any sex tonight, and knew it would be hell having to clean up tomorrow. Luckily Shuldig had bad aim and the vase had broken on the other side of the floor beside the bed. Though a part of him wanted to toss Shuldig over there and make him get it up.

" Do it and you'll get none for a week Ginko" Shuldig said.

Crawford frowned at the name, which of he had yet to find out what meant. He knew it had to mean something, and that it probably wasn't good. Shuldig only snickered, earning him another smack from Crawford, which was added up by a quick pinch.

" Hey Ginko, you better stop for I start to like it" Shuldig said, smirking at him, seeming now like the normal Shuldig.

As Crawford began to drift off to sleep, he was awakened by the soft whimpering. Shuldig was now fully awake, eyes wide with fear as he stared at him. The man's face was pale and he looked as if he was about to cry any minute. The older man rubbed his back as he kissed him softly, reassuring him that he was there.

" Shhh koi, it was just a dream. I'm right here holding you and no one's going to hurt you. Omae wa ore no mono da1, understand?." Crawford spoke softly, kissing his lips again.

Shuldig nodded, biting his bottom lip slightly as he thought about something for a minute. " Ummm Crawford, can you watch over me until I fall asleep? I know it's childish and I sound stupid but..."

Two fingers placed upon his lips silenced Shuldig as he was pulled into a tight embrace. Shifting slightly so that he was in a sitting up position, Crawford allowed Shuldig to lay his head in his lap. Reaching over into the night stand drawer, Crawford pulled out an old-fashioned brush that had been specially crafted from gold, and encrusted with diamonds. It had been part of the vanity set that Crawford had made for Shuldig, a gift for the German on his birthday. Gently he brushed Shuldig's hair, smiling at the shivers it sent down the younger man's spine. Strangely enough, he could remember his uncle doing the same exact thing to him in the past, and his hand froze mid-stroke as the memories came back to him as clear as a movie. That is, until he felt a cold hand take his own and press it under against a cold cheek.

" In the past liebe, its all in the past. Ich liebe die" Shuldig murmured. " And I will never let anyone hurt you again. You will always be my strong fiery lover that protects me and is sometimes trapped in his own tragic past. And I will be your quiet sullen uke who is forced to relieve memories through dreams. Yet together we will forge our own future that will outshine the memories of our past."

Brad felt himself crying, making no move to wipe them away as he once again brushed at Shuldig's hair. He wasn't sure whether the words were something that he had read out of someone mind, or he himself had made. Ahhh, my Shuldig, the little assassin poet, he thought. A sad smile on his face as he continued to brush the sleeping redhead in his lap, then sliding down so that he too could lay down. Shuldig's head was tucked down under his chin, his warm breath coming out in little puffs against his bare skin, his head resting on the top of Shuldig's head. Tears trickling down his face and into the younger man's hair.

_A security blanket huh? _, Crawford thought, remembering Shuldig's words, _more like a patchwork quilt. For I too, am held together merely by threads._

Translations:

1. You belong to me.

A/N: See, I can write something nice and fluffy, and horribly OOC. *Sighs* I write an in-character fic one day, although for my kind of fics I can't have Schwartz as evil cruel bastards can I? Oh well, this, like Not Without You is written sometime after the final show of Weiss Kruez, but not before Gluhen. Please R/R.


End file.
